After more than 12 years, our first one has moved out. She spent most of last week getting her apartment ready, and then slept there the first time Friday night.
Hard on this ole mom who just wants all her little ducklings to stay home.
It has been a tough couple of months.
I wish I could say she moved out because she felt she was ready. She really moved out because peer pressure said she needed to get out from under our “controlling thumb”.
Aren’t parents suppose to ask: who, where, when, how when a child wants to go out for the evening? Isn’t that the proper thing to do?
Isn’t it the respectable thing for a child (or anyone living in the home) to let those that prepare meals know whether they will be home for dinner or not?
How in the world is this controlling?
I thought for sure it was just being a responsible, caring parent.
I guess what hurts the most….I suppose there is more than one thing that hurts about this whole situation.
1) she comes across to her so-called new friends from work as a “poor adopted homeschooled child who did not get any socialization”.
2) she has taken everything we have taught her and just thrown it out the window. I worry about satan taking her soul too.
3) since beginning her job last August, by mid October she was NOT the same child that had been living here all these years.
Oh.My.Word! The changes were / are unreal. When we tried to discuss the changes with her, she just whines and said she has not changed at all. That she is exactly as she has always been.
You’d think she get a clue whenever the kids say she has gotten mean and don’t want to play with her.
You’d think she’d see that they don’t always want to sit next to her, especially the older kids.
When her first co-worker friend even said she doesn’t care for her any more and wants the old friend back because this one is mean and rude. The other friend says, “she is just jealous that you have finally found your voice and can stick up for yourself”.
Her friends have convinced her that our rules are “dumb”. So when I’m not around she helps the younger kids break the rules because “they are dumb rules anyway” (yes, she has told the little ones this).
The younger kids are all kinds of messed up trying to figure out which to do. After all, she is more fun because she is breaking the rules, but knowing they could get in some serious trouble for what she is allowing them to do has them confused.
One of the toughest things to get through my mind…..it would be better for her to move out.
I never said that out loud. Only thought it. Not something I’m comfortable even saying out loud. Let alone for her to hear me say it out loud.
One day she was packing all her things. She told one of the other girls she’d better move out before I kick her out because I said I was going to do that (I most certainly did not). I’ve always told the kids that they couldn’t do anything so bad to get themselves kicked out of the house.
No, I never kicked her out. She finally came to me and said she was ready to move out. So we discussed what she could afford. Set up a budget. Looked at apartments. Finally found one.
I stayed with her every step of the way. Even the apartment managers were pleased to see me “teaching” her how to go about finding a place to live and they wished more parents took that kind of interest.
Well….she’s out now. There is a bit less tension in the house. The little kids are a bit calmer and more obedient.
Until today, the tension in my heart had lessoned. Sure I worry. What mom does not. Knowing she is following peer pressure, I worry that they’ll take advantage of from her.
But today…..ugh. Today I found out she was given a new phone that I specifically told her not to get. For one: she’s in a 2-year contract with the phone she has. 2) this phone tripled her bill and she’s already two months behind in paying me (family plan). 3) she can’t afford the triple in payment let alone be behind. 4) I just read her bank statement and she has spent $1052 since Friday night. That has only been five days!!! She has no money left for rent on the first (thankfully there is one more payday before then). She has no rainy day money for when the company she is working for cuts a few hours this summer. She went to every expensive clothing store here in town over the weekend and blew it.
Sorry to vent on here. I’m just so frustrated right now. Very much worried what will happen but knowing that I can’t just rescue her either. Tough love.
We discussed this.
Discussed waiting on a more expensive phone until she knew what she could afford.
Discussed being careful with funds.
Saving funds for special purchases so she would have something to look forward too (like a phone).
Remember to dress modestly and be safe.
Being grown up.
Please keep Jaime in your prayers. Of all my kids, she was the least I worried about rebelling. Total shocker. Total heartbreak.
On the plus side:
My baby girl is growing up. She has a place of her own. I’m excited for her in this next big step in life. She’s the first of our kids that has lived independently (kind of scary for me). The two older boys moved in with roommates, and Brandy married then moved out.
The first night gone, she called to talk to me because we use to sit up for a couple hours after she got home from work (she works 2-10 pm) and talk. She came over for dinner both Saturday and Sunday. She has text every day, at least once, to check in.
I miss the old her terribly.Where did time go?!
Peace is somewhat back in the house. I don’t have to worry too much while I’m gone, and she is at home causing trouble (the older kids use to beg that I not go to any appointments or errands until after Jaime left for work).
I know I have to just let go and let God. I know we did the best we knew how. I know we trained her by The Word. I know we brought her up in the Lord and she knows right from wrong.
I know all this, yet I hurt for what may be lost now.
Thank you for reading my vent as well as rejoicing in her new growth and achievement. Thanks for praying for her as well.
God’s Blessings to you all.