Today’s challenge is React to this term: Letting Go
I’ve been wanting to respond to Day 26’s challenge: Something you read online. Leave a link and discuss, if you'd like.
When I think about writing a blog post, it is not the right time, or I’m not in the right place to do so I’ve missed some days on this challenge. Overall, I don’t think I did too terribly bad considering how bad I have been the past year or so.
So let’s see what I can do here
The online article I’d like to share is Helping or hovering? When ‘helicopter parenting’ backfires.
Do you agree with helicopter parenting? Do you understand what helicopter parenting even is?
From what I understand, helicopter parenting to be is a parent that hovers over a child/ren all the time. Never allowing them to do some things. Micro-managing all the other things they do do. Calling teachers when their child doesn’t get a “grade they deserve”, or hopping to it to bring forgotten homework/lunch to school. Talking to potential employers on the child’s behalf. Do the kids’ homework for them.
I don’t feel I’m like this in every area so I can’t decide if I’m a helicopter parent, over-protect parent, or just a parent who is trying to teach the kids right from wrong and have a conscience.
Now, when the kids were in public school, I did not run their homework to them. Nor their PE clothes they’d forgotten, and I really didn’t have an issue with them skipping lunch if they forgot their lunch money, ticket, or sack lunch.
Live and learn, and they got the deduct in grade for not being responsible or prepared. No one ever starved by skipping the occasional meal. But they were quick to remember if they did go a bit hungry.
I always want to know where the kids are, who they are with, and what plans they have going on when they aren’t around home. If they went to a friend’s house, then they all decided to go to another friend’s house, yes, they needed to either stop by home or call, and let me know.
Their friends thought I was nuts and hassled the kids if they insisted they had to say anything.
Thankfully, rarely did they ever cave in to that peer pressure.
That was our biological kids while living in town.
Now living out in the country and our adopted kids….well, things are still the same to a certain degree.
You see, my kids at home didn’t get some of that training in their bio homes, and most definitely not in their foster homes either.
Sometimes they don’t understand why I insist on knowing who, what, where, when, how long, etc. They’ve never had to be accountable for any of that before.
The others I taught manners from birth. These guys are late bloomers. They’ve learned my “signs” from across the room when we are having say…potluck at church and they aren’t sitting with me or down the table from me in a restaurant.
I do have a couple that will take total advantage of misusing their manners if I’m not directly in front of them. But you’d think by now it would be an automatic thing.
<sigh> Old habits die hard.
Other things, I’ve been told I have a cold heart towards.
When they fall outside, I’m not quick to jump up and “rescue” them. If they aren’t bleeding, they don’t get a band-aide.
If they want to change from a preppy like personality to all of a sudden wanting to join the rodeo and ride bulls, I let them.
I definitely don’t go have a conversation with the bull for bucking my son off and stepping on him (THAT was hard to watch and Dave did have to hold me back from running to my son to be sure he was OKay. Dave said that would embarrass him a whole lot more than to be bleeding and broken.)
I didn’t have a panic attack when the other son wrecked on his dirt bike and broke both his tibia and fibula. Nor when he tried to cut his thumb off with a table saw (you should have seen the look on my other son’s face when he pulled up in the driveway, and I told him to go look for Jason’s thumb in the garage and meet us at the hospital LOL).
But I was all over him for eating with his mouth open, or not holding the door open for a lady. Or not making it home by curfew.
Maybe I am a helicopter parent…I just hover a bit higher, but ready to land when and where I need to???
Maybe I’m over-protective too. After all I don’t allow dating until 16. No make-up until 16. No high heels until 16. I’m even OK waiting until they are 17 to get a driver’s license. The girls have to wear skirts below their knees, no wording on the behinds of their jeans/skirts. No bikinis!!!
I have not gone so far as the longer knee to neck over shoulder swimsuits….but I’m tempted. Fortunately, my girls are uncomfortable in suits that reveal too much, so as long as they keep to the modesty to the level they are, I won’t push it further….as tempted as I am to do so.
Maybe this somewhat rolls over to today’s challenge…letting go.
I’m not ready to let go and let the kids grow up all the way. I’m not ready for them to be ready to move out. Although I’m a long ways from an empty nest – again – I’m not ready for it by any means.
We were matched with another sibling group…a group of seven kids. The youngest is only two. I can say we’d be a long ways from an empty nest, but that doesn’t make it any easier letting go of my almost 19, almost 18, and 17 (today) year olds. I’m not ready to think about that happening soon.
Yes I know I need to be prepared. Yes I know I need to prepare them, and I am, and they’ll be ready, but inside me….I’m not ready to let go any time soon.
I have another year before Jaime (almost 18) will graduate and be off to the police academy (how scary is that!).
Another year after that when Donald (17 in September) will be off doing something big.
Ashley (17 today) won’t be ready for another couple of years but then she’s off to far away lands to be a missionary.
Nicole (almost 19) wants to stay home for a couple more years. She tells me to just keep on adopting kids and she’ll stay home and help me take care of them.
Now THAT I’m all for LOL
So what’s your reaction to “Letting go”?
Are you a helicopter parent? How so?